Monday, October 18, 2010

Time for Truth

I have decided that today I am going to start the 30 Days of Truth. As most of you know, I love getting to know you all and I love sharing little bits about myself. I feel that it makes us all seem more real, more personable and with that said, I will begin.
Something you hate about yourself.

I absolutely hate my temper. I honestly have no clue where it comes from or how it came about because I used to be super slow to anger. It is something that I am ashamed of and I regret those who get the hit with it. Last night was one of those nights that my anger got the best of me. The hubs was extremely melancholy  which is very unlike him. I tried to help him find the root to his problem, but he couldn't seem to find it. As the night went on I got a bit more frustrated with him because I just wanted to have a fun evening with him and Evangelina. Instead, I decided to rearrange Evangelina's room (it was definitely the wrong idea!) My little terror tried helping, but just ended up getting in my way. Also, as I cleaned she managed to drag out more. So that definitely added fuel to the fire. By the end of my little project I was boiling and I wanted to scream. 
Every little thing that goes wrong adds fuel to my fire and if I'm not careful I normally say something that I regret. Maybe I have like permanent PMS or maybe I just need anger management. I fear that one of these days I will say something that will make my hubs say "Enough!" and leave me. I don't really say anything mean towards him(i.e. "You lazy bum," "i hate you," or "jerk!") Its more like I nag him- i.e. "why can't you help me," "I can't stand this," or "You are driving me crazy." All of which, I don't mean. Its just the anger talking. 
I have this huge fear that when I get old and grey that I will be just as spiteful and mean as my grandma is towards my grandpa. I am scared that my hubs and I will go days and days without talking. I am extremely scared that he will leave me because I am insane. 
This anger problem is something that I am constantly battling. I am desperately trying to change how I react about things and how I handle situations, I just hope that one day I can complete extinguish it!

Well, that's enough truth for today. I really need to decide whether or not I'm ready to turn on the furnace because right now my fingers and toes are freezing! Maybe if I start the chili for tonight it'll warm this place up.
I hope you all have a wonderful day!  

P.S. I am linking up here for the 30 Days of Truth!


ashleigh said...

Im the same way. But after having kids my fuse has only gotten shorter :( Ive been having a really really hard time lately... the other day I just broke down and couldnt take it any more!! Its really hard for me to focus on a better more healthy response when Im upset!! So I feel ya... hang in there!

Courtney K. said...

I feel you on the temper thing. I agree with what Ashleigh said, also. Since having my son, my fuse is super short. There are just some days where EVERYTHING seems to annoy me. Hang in there! Thank you for linking and joining in! Hope to see you back soon!

amylou said...

oh I've so been there and I don't even have kids. I hate having a short temper. Some weeks I do better than others. Thanks for being so honest.
Please have a better night sweet friend!

Ladii Aponte said...

My Mom tells me Calm down se va a cansar de ti Un dia! ( hes gonna get tired of you one day) Damn right he will Oh well He needs me more than I need him! Lol but yes im the same way and I think its because he allows it hes more calm less confrontational and allows me to bully Him Lol! so Of course I do it! I feel bad some times cuz in order to keep me happy he does wha I ask Rubs my back My feet Will let me sleep In even wen I dont ask! Im glad I have him I could have an abusive husband but I dont he barely Yells. But I think we all nag and have anger issues!

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