Wednesday, December 8, 2010

Long night ahead of me....eek! ++ a reminder!

You're living so far away from the truth
That you're believing in your own lies
It's no surprise that you sleep at night
Drowning in your prize

This song is totally going to rule my night. No doubts about that. I was supposed to be off until Friday night, but one of the girls called off and I was asked to fill in. So being the nice girl that I am i decided that I would go ahead and do it (even though I am stressing out now that I have to because of some people that are going to be there.) I honestly hope that everything goes well tonight, but in my gut I know that its going to be tense and uncomfortable. I just hope that I can put on a smile and keep it on all night long. Or keep myself busy enough so that I don't have to deal with anything else. 

Speaking of drama...yesterday was the meeting with my supervisor and it didn't go so well. I could barely get a word in because I kept getting interrupted that I finally gave up...yeah I'm a pushover, but I did get reminded that I had originally asked, "If so-and-so doesn't do anything to help than why is she still here." so that was totally taken out of context and flipped around to say that I was trying to get so-and-so fired. Which is not true I had word vomit because I was angry that I had to pick up her slack. 
And I had it pointed out that I said, "I am pulling a so-and-so today and not going to do anything." which I did forget saying but, again, it was word vomit and I was angry. Should I have said, but what's done is done and I didn't think of anything at the time. 
I had forgotten that I had said both these things (which were both said to a nurse that I thought was my friend)  and it pretty much made me look like an idiot in front of my supervisor, but I did own up to both and apologized for my word vomit and told them that I didn't mean anything by it.  
I tried to hold back my tears during the meeting but of course I couldn't because so-and-so was raising her voice, playing victim, pointing her finger at me, and wouldn't let me defend myself (even though I didn't really have any reason that I needed to.) So, I was angry and embarrassed.

I honestly don't know where to go from here, but I do know that I am going to try my hardest to move on with a solid smile and that I am going to keep all my comments to myself. I don't know who is friend and who are fairweather friends, but I am not going to be back stabbed again. 

Starting tonight they will be seeing the robotic me. I will go to work and do my job, no complaints and no conversation. Although, i know that this will suck and it will pretty much tear me apart inside, but i have to watch out for myself. I will not allow this to happen again. 

How's that smile? It doesn't look too fake, right?

Phew, sorry about the rant friends. No on to more positive things.

Don't forget to head over to the beautiful AmyLou's blog and check out the awesome giveaway. I believe you have until Saturday to enter. So hurry up and get your entries in!!!!! 

Okay, friends its time for me to get my game face on and hyped up! 
I hope that everyone has a wonderful night tonight and please think of me when you curl up in your nice cozy bed and just send up some sweet prayers for me.

Love and hugs to all!

1 comment:

amylou said...

prayin sweet friend!
maybe write those girls a sweet note. Maybe they would realize you didn't mean it.
Maybe they are going through a tough time like the rest of us right now.
I really hope things get so much better. I'm so sorry things went badly!!!

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